It’s Time Men Stand Up and Say “No!”
by Carolyn Bushong

Women say, “Men aren’t growing. They still don’t know how to deal with their emotions. We’ve moved forward and men haven’t.” And in many ways this is true. It’s true because men are being victimized and aren’t fighting back. For every women’s issue, there’s a corresponding men’s issue. And men haven’t made women realize this.

The feminist movement has upset the apple cart for men. Women have blamed men for all the problems and accepted none of the responsibility. Years ago, women were the victims. Now it’s turned around, and men are.

Instead of showing men the way to put relationships back together in a healthier way, women have distanced men and created a wider gap. Women aren’t inviting men to be their partners. Women aren’t doing anything to create intimacy. They’re still stuck blaming men for their unhappiness.

Men are damned if the do and damned if they don’t. They’re accused of trying to get the upper hand if they pay for dinner, and of being cheap when they don’t. They’re chauvinists if they open doors and inconsiderate if they don’t. They’re macho if they don’t show feelings and wimps if they do.

Men haven’t gained as much as they’ve lost. They’re expected to do half the housework but not require their wives to bring in half the income. They no longer get the nurturing they had in traditional relationships, but are often still expected to carry the responsibility.

And men’s personal rights over home and family have always suffered. Women may have had trouble gaining the right to abortion. But men never get included in the decision as to whether they have to support another child or not.

Many women secretly get pregnant. Some men spend years paying for a sexual mistake some woman used against them to force marriage.

And what about men’s identities? Who ever said all men wanted to be vice presidents of corporations? Who said they wanted to take on the sole financial responsibility for the family? Men haven’t been able to be who they want to be any more than women have. They didn’t necessarily want to spend their whole lives making money a priority instead of pursuing jobs they liked. Many more men would’ve chosen to become social workers and teachers if they hadn’t had the full responsibility to support the family. Men wonder who they could have been if they hadn’t had those choices made for them. And what about their anger? Men fear women’s emotions. Men say about women, “If you’re honest, they cry. If you keep quiet, they bitch at you.” Men have no defense against women.

Women accuse men of being Peter Pans – who run from intimacy. But why shouldn’t they run from a game they feel they can’t win.

Male dominance has been forced on men. They’re not as eager to control others as they are caught up in feeling “responsible for” others.

The Rambo/Superman backlash may have been brought about by women. Women don’t want to let men off their pedestals. They want to hold on to the idea that there’s someone else to fall back on if they themselves fail.

Women have copped an attitude that they can take care of themselves. Yet, most women will admit that they’d still like to be taken care of. They send a double message: “Take care of me, but don’t control me because I’ll hate you for it.” They want men to stay tough enough to provide them with someone to lean on. And when a man doesn’t “act like a man,” they ridicule him about his masculinity until he feels obligated to get back in his role.

The fact is, women don’t want the responsibility that comes with control. Women are asking men to give up their control but keep up their responsibility. How fair is that?

It’s time for men to say “No!”

It’s time for men to hold women accountable!

It’s time for men to demand that women take equal responsibility if they want equal control!

And, it’s time for women to take a look at how they are victimizing men…..and to accept some responsibility.