Relationship Mistake: Expecting Your Mate to Read Your Mind
by Carolyn Bushong

Expecting your mate to read your mind or not communicating well with each other is the key reason for divorce.

Roadblocks to Communication:

1. We don't believe in expressing our feelings openly because we think we'll look weak. In fact, we often try to talk ourselves out of feeling the way we feel instead. This is more often men.

2. We edit our conversations and feelings because we believe our mate can't handle hearing them.

3. We think that telling him or her won't do any good (because it didn't when we were children).

4. We try to get our message across through criticism and sarcasm, which just pushes him away.

5. We tell others (and get it off our chest) what we should be telling him or her. Women do this more.

6. We want our mate to chase us and ask, "What's wrong?" before we tell them.

How to Communicate Successfully:

1. Don't avoid, or talk yourself out of, your feelings

2. Share feelings and make statements, not judgements

3. Admit it when you're wrong, then he'll be ready to listen

4. Be vulnerable with your mate, yet strong: "I'm upset because ...., so I need this to change."

5. Reveal your true self, flaws and all (but only if he does the same)

6. Fight fair. No name calling or cursing. Listen and repeat back what he said before you start talking so he'll know you heard him.

The 4 Steps to Healthy Communication:

1. I Feel __________when you __________.

2. I want __________________.

3. Will you ________________(be specific).

4. If not, I will ____________________(consequence).